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breathing. Cut it out; you re already awake.
How d you know? he asked in a sleep-rough voice.
Just a feeling. Sit up, come on. His gaze held mine, then slid away as he licked dry lips. I
handed him his water so he could sip some.
I want to go to school today, okay? he asked.
Now I know you re dying.
Funny.
I raised a brow. How come, Joe?
He lifted one shoulder. M bored.
Yeah. I nodded. Joe, something happened last night&
The water shook as he put it on the little pullout table. I grabbed his hand, not wanting him
to go where I had last night. She s fine. Okay? She s awake.
For a couple of beats, he stared at me. The joy I d pictured waiting for him to wake up this
morning wasn t there. The fire wasn t there, as if someone had tossed a pail of water on it.
Finally he asked very softly, I heard she isn t talking.
Okay, he knew already, and he d definitely been thinking about this.
She s not, I said, recognizing he needed the truth from me. She s& she kind of tunes in
and out, has trouble focusing. It s not easy to come out of a coma, Joe. It s not something you
do all at once.
Yeah, I guess.
Joe& I squeezed his hand, tugged him so he was closer to where I sat next to his bed.
She wants to see you.
He looked at me. If she s not talking, how do you know?
I blinked. I just do.
But she hasn t said. I mean, I heard she said your name and then she tuned out.
Boy, was I at sea. All this time he d been driving me nuts with his movie-of-the-week thing
over Audra waking up, but now when it happened&
Joe, before I sold my first book, I had all these ideas what it would be like. Like I d be the
next Stephen King or something.
He made a disgusted noise. You write weird romance.
I didn t take offense. Any romance was weird to Joe at his age. Yeah, I do. And& all those
fantasies about what it would be like, being published, they aren t what the reality is.
He looked at me. So?
So sometimes it s easier to have the fantasy. It can be what you want. It can t hurt you.
He pressed his lips together. I want to go to school today.
I looked over my shoulder, and there was Tall. He hadn t left. He was rumpled and un-
shaven, but somehow on him, it was sexy. He shook his head at me. Don t push.
Okay, as soon as the doc checks you out, and if he thinks you are up to maybe a half
day, I said, we ll do that. It was early, so we just had enough time to get him home,
showered, fed, and off to school.
He nodded, not looking at me.
I just want you to know that the Audra in here I tapped his chest and the one upstairs
aren t so different. She may not be feeling a hundred percent yet, but she hasn t stopped lov-
ing you.
But you re staying, right? You said.
I swallowed. I m absolutely staying.
His shoulders relaxed, and the doctor walked in. I thought it might be just as well. I knew
the kid looked like me, and the way he wanted to hide& it wasn t so different from my card-
board box. Fortunately for me and for him, there were people who wouldn t let us do that.
* * *
I cleared my throat, reaching out to smooth her blanket. Hey, Audra.
My aunt was staring at the wall. After she d said my name the night before, seemed to
connect with me my throat tightened now as I remembered that moment the personality
had drained out of her eyes, as if making that effort snuffed out all the spark she had left.
I m just saying hello before me and Tall have to take Joe home and then to school, I told
her, used to our one-sided conversations now but feeling frustration rise. I don t know what I
was expecting, maybe not the kid s movie-of-the-week, but something. Christ! I knew part of
what I was experiencing was because I hadn t slept well in what seemed too long and I was
tired, and I was most of all tired of this, of being in this goddamned room and seeing her lie
there, hooked into my heart, Joe s heart, tearing at us.
Audra, damn you! I dropped my head. I m sorry& I m sorry because I told the kid you
can t just be who you were like the Shake n Bake I used to sometimes make him for dinner,
right? No instant recovery after a coma. And yet here I am what a joke expecting& I
squeezed her hand. Look at me! I thought the expression on her face flickered a little from im-
passive. All I can think is, what s the worst thing you can have? Not hope, but broken hope.
That s why Joe s so scared to see you.
My jaw tightened. So get it together for him, because I did and I was living in fucking
garbage when Shane dried me out.
So you were. A soft voice agreed with me, and I looked up to see Daniel Stevenson. He
was as slick as the first time we d met, dressed in a suit that had that subtle sheen of silk.
What the fuck are you doing here? I wanted to take the poinsettias he had tucked in one
hand and shatter them in a dirt footprint against the wall.
He lifted a gloved hand. I have visited Audra often, checking on her.
You re not welcome here.
I can see that. His eyes narrowed. If you set yourself as my enemy, Sam, there are con-
sequences. As you have correctly deduced, I am not a nice man. He put the flowers down
and took out an envelope, handing it to me. I didn t reach for it, staring into his eyes, so he
dropped it on my lap. I heard your aunt and the residents built you a float to celebrate your lit-
erary achievement. But this is the real Sam Masterson, the one you wouldn t want them to
see.
My heart pounded as I heard the click of his expensive shoes heading down the hallway.
Oh, yeah, he was a scary son of a bitch.
And after I d opened the envelope to see the contents, I closed my eyes. He was right; I
didn t want Joe, Mel, Audra& Tall, anyone I loved to see this.
The real me.
* * *
Are you going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you? Tall demanded later.
I figured you d have work, I grumbled. My eyes were half-shut. We were on his king-size
bed in his condo after dropping Joe off for a half day. I felt my shoulders smoothing out as he
shook the razor he was using to shave me in the warm basin of water he d put on the mat-
tress between us. It was such a basic ritual, but usually I used an electric since it was quicker.
Tall s steady hand, outlining my lips, running over my chin, and then scraping back over the
dent there. It was like some kind of ritual that said, We are men; we are lovers.
He hadn t asked me if I wanted this kind of pampering, giving me the use of his
bathtub even bigger than the one at the boutique hotel lighting candles, and making an
omelet. No one had ever gone to this kind of trouble for me. I was surprised at how easily I
adapted to it, while underneath, a void yawned. I was afraid.
Afraid of losing him.
Is the vibe I m getting from you the culmination of our shitty night? he asked softly.
Excepting Audra, of course.
Excepting our hotel, I added. Okay, I d try some misdirection. Joe doesn t want to see
her. Fuck, I did not see that coming.
He will; give him time. He s just been holding on, and now he s afraid to let go.
I raised my brows. Letting go of what?
He knocked his knuckles against my forehead. Of you, Sam. Like you told him, your aunt
has been in a coma for a while, and he s a smart enough kid to see things just aren t going
to bam! turn back to how they used to be.
Yeah, I sighed. Plus from some of the clues he s given, I think she was doing too much,
putting too much on him. I d been thinking about that, how despite the streak a mile wide of
independence that ran through my family, it was maybe time to ask for help. I only wished it
was easy. I hated to ask for anything. I hated to make myself so vulnerable.
Maybe you should bring that up at the coming resident s meeting, the one where you re [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl exclamation.htw.pl
breathing. Cut it out; you re already awake.
How d you know? he asked in a sleep-rough voice.
Just a feeling. Sit up, come on. His gaze held mine, then slid away as he licked dry lips. I
handed him his water so he could sip some.
I want to go to school today, okay? he asked.
Now I know you re dying.
Funny.
I raised a brow. How come, Joe?
He lifted one shoulder. M bored.
Yeah. I nodded. Joe, something happened last night&
The water shook as he put it on the little pullout table. I grabbed his hand, not wanting him
to go where I had last night. She s fine. Okay? She s awake.
For a couple of beats, he stared at me. The joy I d pictured waiting for him to wake up this
morning wasn t there. The fire wasn t there, as if someone had tossed a pail of water on it.
Finally he asked very softly, I heard she isn t talking.
Okay, he knew already, and he d definitely been thinking about this.
She s not, I said, recognizing he needed the truth from me. She s& she kind of tunes in
and out, has trouble focusing. It s not easy to come out of a coma, Joe. It s not something you
do all at once.
Yeah, I guess.
Joe& I squeezed his hand, tugged him so he was closer to where I sat next to his bed.
She wants to see you.
He looked at me. If she s not talking, how do you know?
I blinked. I just do.
But she hasn t said. I mean, I heard she said your name and then she tuned out.
Boy, was I at sea. All this time he d been driving me nuts with his movie-of-the-week thing
over Audra waking up, but now when it happened&
Joe, before I sold my first book, I had all these ideas what it would be like. Like I d be the
next Stephen King or something.
He made a disgusted noise. You write weird romance.
I didn t take offense. Any romance was weird to Joe at his age. Yeah, I do. And& all those
fantasies about what it would be like, being published, they aren t what the reality is.
He looked at me. So?
So sometimes it s easier to have the fantasy. It can be what you want. It can t hurt you.
He pressed his lips together. I want to go to school today.
I looked over my shoulder, and there was Tall. He hadn t left. He was rumpled and un-
shaven, but somehow on him, it was sexy. He shook his head at me. Don t push.
Okay, as soon as the doc checks you out, and if he thinks you are up to maybe a half
day, I said, we ll do that. It was early, so we just had enough time to get him home,
showered, fed, and off to school.
He nodded, not looking at me.
I just want you to know that the Audra in here I tapped his chest and the one upstairs
aren t so different. She may not be feeling a hundred percent yet, but she hasn t stopped lov-
ing you.
But you re staying, right? You said.
I swallowed. I m absolutely staying.
His shoulders relaxed, and the doctor walked in. I thought it might be just as well. I knew
the kid looked like me, and the way he wanted to hide& it wasn t so different from my card-
board box. Fortunately for me and for him, there were people who wouldn t let us do that.
* * *
I cleared my throat, reaching out to smooth her blanket. Hey, Audra.
My aunt was staring at the wall. After she d said my name the night before, seemed to
connect with me my throat tightened now as I remembered that moment the personality
had drained out of her eyes, as if making that effort snuffed out all the spark she had left.
I m just saying hello before me and Tall have to take Joe home and then to school, I told
her, used to our one-sided conversations now but feeling frustration rise. I don t know what I
was expecting, maybe not the kid s movie-of-the-week, but something. Christ! I knew part of
what I was experiencing was because I hadn t slept well in what seemed too long and I was
tired, and I was most of all tired of this, of being in this goddamned room and seeing her lie
there, hooked into my heart, Joe s heart, tearing at us.
Audra, damn you! I dropped my head. I m sorry& I m sorry because I told the kid you
can t just be who you were like the Shake n Bake I used to sometimes make him for dinner,
right? No instant recovery after a coma. And yet here I am what a joke expecting& I
squeezed her hand. Look at me! I thought the expression on her face flickered a little from im-
passive. All I can think is, what s the worst thing you can have? Not hope, but broken hope.
That s why Joe s so scared to see you.
My jaw tightened. So get it together for him, because I did and I was living in fucking
garbage when Shane dried me out.
So you were. A soft voice agreed with me, and I looked up to see Daniel Stevenson. He
was as slick as the first time we d met, dressed in a suit that had that subtle sheen of silk.
What the fuck are you doing here? I wanted to take the poinsettias he had tucked in one
hand and shatter them in a dirt footprint against the wall.
He lifted a gloved hand. I have visited Audra often, checking on her.
You re not welcome here.
I can see that. His eyes narrowed. If you set yourself as my enemy, Sam, there are con-
sequences. As you have correctly deduced, I am not a nice man. He put the flowers down
and took out an envelope, handing it to me. I didn t reach for it, staring into his eyes, so he
dropped it on my lap. I heard your aunt and the residents built you a float to celebrate your lit-
erary achievement. But this is the real Sam Masterson, the one you wouldn t want them to
see.
My heart pounded as I heard the click of his expensive shoes heading down the hallway.
Oh, yeah, he was a scary son of a bitch.
And after I d opened the envelope to see the contents, I closed my eyes. He was right; I
didn t want Joe, Mel, Audra& Tall, anyone I loved to see this.
The real me.
* * *
Are you going to tell me what the fuck is wrong with you? Tall demanded later.
I figured you d have work, I grumbled. My eyes were half-shut. We were on his king-size
bed in his condo after dropping Joe off for a half day. I felt my shoulders smoothing out as he
shook the razor he was using to shave me in the warm basin of water he d put on the mat-
tress between us. It was such a basic ritual, but usually I used an electric since it was quicker.
Tall s steady hand, outlining my lips, running over my chin, and then scraping back over the
dent there. It was like some kind of ritual that said, We are men; we are lovers.
He hadn t asked me if I wanted this kind of pampering, giving me the use of his
bathtub even bigger than the one at the boutique hotel lighting candles, and making an
omelet. No one had ever gone to this kind of trouble for me. I was surprised at how easily I
adapted to it, while underneath, a void yawned. I was afraid.
Afraid of losing him.
Is the vibe I m getting from you the culmination of our shitty night? he asked softly.
Excepting Audra, of course.
Excepting our hotel, I added. Okay, I d try some misdirection. Joe doesn t want to see
her. Fuck, I did not see that coming.
He will; give him time. He s just been holding on, and now he s afraid to let go.
I raised my brows. Letting go of what?
He knocked his knuckles against my forehead. Of you, Sam. Like you told him, your aunt
has been in a coma for a while, and he s a smart enough kid to see things just aren t going
to bam! turn back to how they used to be.
Yeah, I sighed. Plus from some of the clues he s given, I think she was doing too much,
putting too much on him. I d been thinking about that, how despite the streak a mile wide of
independence that ran through my family, it was maybe time to ask for help. I only wished it
was easy. I hated to ask for anything. I hated to make myself so vulnerable.
Maybe you should bring that up at the coming resident s meeting, the one where you re [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]