[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
"I don't know that either, Nadine. I feel like I'm all in pieces. There's things coming out of me that
I've never let out before. I'm more together and in better shape than I've ever been, but I still feel all in
pieces. I need something to grab on to and center around. Something I mean, I came here from
another world on a lightning bolt. I don't even fucking know if this is all real. What happens when it's
over? Do I have to go back there? Am I dead in that world, or just gone? I need something to hang on
to."
"Stop the van," Nadine said.
Slim pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. Nadine got out of her seat and knelt on the
floor beside Slim. She looked up at him with almost-tears in her eyes, grabbed his hand and put it
under her T-shirt, on her breast.
Like many men who had lived lonely, insecure lives, holding a lover's breast made him feel
secure, safe and loved. Nadine seemed to understand that. Many women didn't, or couldn't. Of course,
holding on to a breast usually led to further sexual activities. But there was always that first, all-
important contact, that holding on, that search for home and safety and peace.
"Hold on to me," Nadine said. "I won't let you go back. This is your world, now. Our world, and
you and I are in it together. This is your life, and this is me," she said, squeezing his hand against her
breast. "I understand more about you than you think I do, so just hold on to me, okay?"
Slim nodded and pulled her close. "I have been," he said. "I'm just a worrier. I can't help it. Most
of the' women in my life have said I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't worrying about something."
"Were you?" Nadine asked.
"Were I what?"
"Happy?"
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Click here to buy
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"No," he admitted. "I haven't been happy very much. Making love and playing a good gig is
about all that does it for me. Or used to, anyway. I know that when I'm involved with someone, I
should be happy, but I can't be. In my head, I'm always wondering and waiting. How long will it last?
How much of my life will I lose when she dumps me? How badly will I have to hurt? Damn it, I know
it's not the right attitude. But, see, I've never known anything different. The only way I know how to
survive the hurt is to expect it."
"Oh, Slim," she said. "That's no good. That's rotten." Nadine's shoulders slumped. "I'm no better,
I guess. The first man I loved hurt me so bad I haven't loved anyone since. Here I am thirty-one years
old and you're the first genuine lover I've ever had. Outside my imagination, anyway. You, at least you
kept trying to find love."
"I had to," he said. "I'm not like you. Maybe I'm not like anyone. You can get by on your own, by
yourself. Me, I can't live without a woman. I can't survive. My life just goes all to hell and I walk
around like a fuckin' zombie. I get to the point where my whole life is aimed at finding a woman, any
woman, who'll put up with me for a while. I fall in love with the first woman who attracts me and
shows me any attention. And right from the first I know she's not gonna stay there the rest of my life,
that she's gonna hurt the hell out of me. But there's no life for me without a woman to share it with. So
I keep on throwing myself into the fire.
"The worst mistakes in my life were with women," he continued. "I've ended up penniless and
homeless more than once after they've gotten rid of me. One time I damn near starved to death, didn't
eat for a month or more. And I remember every woman I've ever loved, every tit I've ever seen or held
or kissed, every time I've made love and every hand I've ever held."
Nadine leaned her head against his shoulder and rubbed his belly. "What about me, Slim? How
do you feel about you and me?" She could feel him trembling with her touch.
"I love you," he said. "I love you so much. You know that. And I'm scared shitless. If I lose you, I
don't think I could survive it. I don't think I'd want to survive it."
"You wouldn't, umm, do anything to yourself, would you?"
"Suicide?" He laughed bitterly and held up his left wrist. "No. See these scars on my wrist?"
There were faint scars following the veins, whiter than his skin and chelated. "Those were from a
particularly horrible hurt. But I lived, even though I tried hard not to. Since then, I just don't have it in
me to do anything like that. But see, after you've been hurt again and again, you reach a point where [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl exclamation.htw.pl
"I don't know that either, Nadine. I feel like I'm all in pieces. There's things coming out of me that
I've never let out before. I'm more together and in better shape than I've ever been, but I still feel all in
pieces. I need something to grab on to and center around. Something I mean, I came here from
another world on a lightning bolt. I don't even fucking know if this is all real. What happens when it's
over? Do I have to go back there? Am I dead in that world, or just gone? I need something to hang on
to."
"Stop the van," Nadine said.
Slim pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. Nadine got out of her seat and knelt on the
floor beside Slim. She looked up at him with almost-tears in her eyes, grabbed his hand and put it
under her T-shirt, on her breast.
Like many men who had lived lonely, insecure lives, holding a lover's breast made him feel
secure, safe and loved. Nadine seemed to understand that. Many women didn't, or couldn't. Of course,
holding on to a breast usually led to further sexual activities. But there was always that first, all-
important contact, that holding on, that search for home and safety and peace.
"Hold on to me," Nadine said. "I won't let you go back. This is your world, now. Our world, and
you and I are in it together. This is your life, and this is me," she said, squeezing his hand against her
breast. "I understand more about you than you think I do, so just hold on to me, okay?"
Slim nodded and pulled her close. "I have been," he said. "I'm just a worrier. I can't help it. Most
of the' women in my life have said I wouldn't be happy if I wasn't worrying about something."
"Were you?" Nadine asked.
"Were I what?"
"Happy?"
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n
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F
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f
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o
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D
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Y
e
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Y
Y
r
r
B
B
2
2
.
.
B
B
A
A
Click here to buy
Click here to buy
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"No," he admitted. "I haven't been happy very much. Making love and playing a good gig is
about all that does it for me. Or used to, anyway. I know that when I'm involved with someone, I
should be happy, but I can't be. In my head, I'm always wondering and waiting. How long will it last?
How much of my life will I lose when she dumps me? How badly will I have to hurt? Damn it, I know
it's not the right attitude. But, see, I've never known anything different. The only way I know how to
survive the hurt is to expect it."
"Oh, Slim," she said. "That's no good. That's rotten." Nadine's shoulders slumped. "I'm no better,
I guess. The first man I loved hurt me so bad I haven't loved anyone since. Here I am thirty-one years
old and you're the first genuine lover I've ever had. Outside my imagination, anyway. You, at least you
kept trying to find love."
"I had to," he said. "I'm not like you. Maybe I'm not like anyone. You can get by on your own, by
yourself. Me, I can't live without a woman. I can't survive. My life just goes all to hell and I walk
around like a fuckin' zombie. I get to the point where my whole life is aimed at finding a woman, any
woman, who'll put up with me for a while. I fall in love with the first woman who attracts me and
shows me any attention. And right from the first I know she's not gonna stay there the rest of my life,
that she's gonna hurt the hell out of me. But there's no life for me without a woman to share it with. So
I keep on throwing myself into the fire.
"The worst mistakes in my life were with women," he continued. "I've ended up penniless and
homeless more than once after they've gotten rid of me. One time I damn near starved to death, didn't
eat for a month or more. And I remember every woman I've ever loved, every tit I've ever seen or held
or kissed, every time I've made love and every hand I've ever held."
Nadine leaned her head against his shoulder and rubbed his belly. "What about me, Slim? How
do you feel about you and me?" She could feel him trembling with her touch.
"I love you," he said. "I love you so much. You know that. And I'm scared shitless. If I lose you, I
don't think I could survive it. I don't think I'd want to survive it."
"You wouldn't, umm, do anything to yourself, would you?"
"Suicide?" He laughed bitterly and held up his left wrist. "No. See these scars on my wrist?"
There were faint scars following the veins, whiter than his skin and chelated. "Those were from a
particularly horrible hurt. But I lived, even though I tried hard not to. Since then, I just don't have it in
me to do anything like that. But see, after you've been hurt again and again, you reach a point where [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]