[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
blamed her past on. He looked so weak, so helpless, a mere shell of the
man she had grown to despise. Every ounce of hate, of blame shook
through her, none of it mattering, none of it worth a damn. Another
gasp escaped her, one then two. What had she been thinking? Why had
she hated for so long? All the while he lay there suffering, his diseased
body collapsing upon the man he once was. He was her father and he
had wanted to see her, but she couldn t allow it for her own selfish
reasons. What had she been thinking? That she would make him pay?
No. She shook her head and hastily wiped away a warm tear. She
was the one who had paid. And she was paying now for her harbored
anger and spite. She reached out to touch him, desperate for him to
know that she was there and she was sorry. Sorry for not calling, for
not forgiving. He had only lived his life, never physically harming her,
making sure she had a roof over her head. He probably hadn t meant to
hurt her. He probably wasn t even aware that he had.
Or maybe he was aware and that was why he had tried to mend
their relationship a couple of years ago, calling her, asking her to come
around. But she had refused. She had never given him the chance. Her
" 203 "
RONICA BLACK
hand trembled, hovering above his. She couldn t remember the last
time she had touched him.
Seeming to sense her tight emotions, her mother moved quickly to
the other side of the bed. Sarah saw the redness in her eyes, on the tip
of her nose. She had been crying.
Roy? Roy, Sarah s here. Her mother took his limp hand and held
it, stroking it. He s on a lot of morphine. He may not come around.
Sarah pulled her hand back, afraid that if she did touch him, her
pain would come spilling out and she would crumble. Suddenly unsure
if she could remain strong and still be able to stand, she reached back
for the chair her mother had been sitting in. As she settled into it, her
father began to mutter through dry lips.
Her mother leaned down, speaking closer to his ear. Sarah s
here. She looked over and nodded at her daughter. Take his hand, let
him know where you are.
Sarah swallowed hard and did as requested, touching her father
lightly, feeling his cool, dry skin. She nearly wept at the contact, at his
weakness, at her stubbornness.
Sarah? His voice was ragged, a mere whisper, his eyes still
closed.
Wiping her eyes, she sat forward, grasping his frail hand more
tightly. Yes, it s me. She had to fight to keep from crying. The
threatening sobs burned her throat and squeezed her chest.
Sarah?
Yes. I m here.
His eyelids fluttered but didn t open. His lips moved before the
words formed. I& I m sorry.
She shook her head, not needing his apology. It didn t matter
anymore. None of it. It s okay, she responded barely able to speak.
The emotions she had held buried within for so long surfaced and
crashed together like angry waves. It s okay. I know, she reassured
him. I m sorry, too.
Sarah? Again he called her name and then mumbled words she
couldn t make out. His breath rattled as he took in several shallow
gasps of air.
He mumbled again and squeezed her hand. Her heart shattered
with pain as she listened, wishing she could understand. Hot tears
" 204 "
WILD ABANDON
blurred her vision and she wiped at them angrily, determined to see him
with clear eyes and clear mind.
Here. Her mother reached into her purse and pulled out an
envelope. She held it out over the bed. He wanted you to have this.
Sarah took it reluctantly and fingered her name written in neat
cursive. She glanced up at her mother, unsure.
Go ahead, read it. He would want you to.
Tentatively, Sarah opened the flap and reached inside to slide out
the letter. She unfolded the notebook paper and read.
To my daughter Sarah,
I hope this letter finds you doing well. I ve always hoped
that you would find a good life, one that you deserve. I had
hoped to see you and make things right by you, but I guess it
wasn t meant to be. It s my own fault. All of it. I wasn t a good
father and I know that now. I ve known it for some time. You
were a good girl, Sarah, and you deserved so much better
than you had.
I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. Neither
did your mom. We were just too caught up in ourselves. But
it was never intentional and you must never think it was your
fault. The booze. The gambling. They took my attention away
from the important things in life. Like our family.
I want you to know how very sorry I am. Sorry for all
of it. And I m especially sorry for not being able to know the
wonderful woman I know you ve become. I love you. Always
have and always will. So does you mother. Please, give her
a chance. She s changed, just as I have. I hope you can find
comfort in each other.
And I hope more than anything that you find everything
you ve ever wished for.
Your loving father,
Roy
Sucking in a shaky breath Sarah refolded the letter. Sobs, burning
and overpowering, shook her chest. She reached out and touched his
" 205 "
RONICA BLACK
hand once again. Swallowing, she said, I love you too, Dad.
She barely got the words out before the sobbing tore through her.
She lowered her head, the sorrow shaking her from head to toe.
Roy lay still, apparently unable to say anything more. His
breathing continued on, irregular with lengthy pauses in between.
He held her hand, though, and her mother came to stand by her side,
resting a hand on her shoulder. They watched him together, and Sarah
tried to remember him, the way he d once looked. She remembered
him smiling, tall and handsome, laughing as he chased her around the
yard. She remembered the way he danced with her mother, swinging
her around the kitchen to one of his favorite songs. Tears welled and
fell from her eyes, releasing the terrible pain, one tiny drop at a time.
His breathing slowed, the shallow gasps coming further apart. Her
mother reached down and cupped her hand over Sarah s, who held her
father s. They remained that way for what felt like an eternity, Sarah
quietly battling her tears while her mother did her best to comfort her.
Eventually Roy took in a breath and fell silent for a longer period
of time, causing Sarah to look up, waiting for the next breath to come.
But it never did.
She lowered her head and cried as quietly as she could. Her father
loved her, he truly did. And she loved him. His life, the choices he
made he didn t make them out of malice. He had made mistakes, but
so had she. She couldn t hate him for what he was. He was being who
he was meant to be. People weren t always who you wanted them to be.
She had to love him for who he was. She could see all of that now. But
it took him dying to get her to let go of the pain, of the past.
Rising up, she turned and let her mother embrace her. More sobs
came as she felt just how thin her mother was. Her parents were no
longer the ones ruining her life, neglecting her for their own fun. They
had grown older and weaker and regretful. As she cried into her mother s [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl exclamation.htw.pl
blamed her past on. He looked so weak, so helpless, a mere shell of the
man she had grown to despise. Every ounce of hate, of blame shook
through her, none of it mattering, none of it worth a damn. Another
gasp escaped her, one then two. What had she been thinking? Why had
she hated for so long? All the while he lay there suffering, his diseased
body collapsing upon the man he once was. He was her father and he
had wanted to see her, but she couldn t allow it for her own selfish
reasons. What had she been thinking? That she would make him pay?
No. She shook her head and hastily wiped away a warm tear. She
was the one who had paid. And she was paying now for her harbored
anger and spite. She reached out to touch him, desperate for him to
know that she was there and she was sorry. Sorry for not calling, for
not forgiving. He had only lived his life, never physically harming her,
making sure she had a roof over her head. He probably hadn t meant to
hurt her. He probably wasn t even aware that he had.
Or maybe he was aware and that was why he had tried to mend
their relationship a couple of years ago, calling her, asking her to come
around. But she had refused. She had never given him the chance. Her
" 203 "
RONICA BLACK
hand trembled, hovering above his. She couldn t remember the last
time she had touched him.
Seeming to sense her tight emotions, her mother moved quickly to
the other side of the bed. Sarah saw the redness in her eyes, on the tip
of her nose. She had been crying.
Roy? Roy, Sarah s here. Her mother took his limp hand and held
it, stroking it. He s on a lot of morphine. He may not come around.
Sarah pulled her hand back, afraid that if she did touch him, her
pain would come spilling out and she would crumble. Suddenly unsure
if she could remain strong and still be able to stand, she reached back
for the chair her mother had been sitting in. As she settled into it, her
father began to mutter through dry lips.
Her mother leaned down, speaking closer to his ear. Sarah s
here. She looked over and nodded at her daughter. Take his hand, let
him know where you are.
Sarah swallowed hard and did as requested, touching her father
lightly, feeling his cool, dry skin. She nearly wept at the contact, at his
weakness, at her stubbornness.
Sarah? His voice was ragged, a mere whisper, his eyes still
closed.
Wiping her eyes, she sat forward, grasping his frail hand more
tightly. Yes, it s me. She had to fight to keep from crying. The
threatening sobs burned her throat and squeezed her chest.
Sarah?
Yes. I m here.
His eyelids fluttered but didn t open. His lips moved before the
words formed. I& I m sorry.
She shook her head, not needing his apology. It didn t matter
anymore. None of it. It s okay, she responded barely able to speak.
The emotions she had held buried within for so long surfaced and
crashed together like angry waves. It s okay. I know, she reassured
him. I m sorry, too.
Sarah? Again he called her name and then mumbled words she
couldn t make out. His breath rattled as he took in several shallow
gasps of air.
He mumbled again and squeezed her hand. Her heart shattered
with pain as she listened, wishing she could understand. Hot tears
" 204 "
WILD ABANDON
blurred her vision and she wiped at them angrily, determined to see him
with clear eyes and clear mind.
Here. Her mother reached into her purse and pulled out an
envelope. She held it out over the bed. He wanted you to have this.
Sarah took it reluctantly and fingered her name written in neat
cursive. She glanced up at her mother, unsure.
Go ahead, read it. He would want you to.
Tentatively, Sarah opened the flap and reached inside to slide out
the letter. She unfolded the notebook paper and read.
To my daughter Sarah,
I hope this letter finds you doing well. I ve always hoped
that you would find a good life, one that you deserve. I had
hoped to see you and make things right by you, but I guess it
wasn t meant to be. It s my own fault. All of it. I wasn t a good
father and I know that now. I ve known it for some time. You
were a good girl, Sarah, and you deserved so much better
than you had.
I want you to know I never meant to hurt you. Neither
did your mom. We were just too caught up in ourselves. But
it was never intentional and you must never think it was your
fault. The booze. The gambling. They took my attention away
from the important things in life. Like our family.
I want you to know how very sorry I am. Sorry for all
of it. And I m especially sorry for not being able to know the
wonderful woman I know you ve become. I love you. Always
have and always will. So does you mother. Please, give her
a chance. She s changed, just as I have. I hope you can find
comfort in each other.
And I hope more than anything that you find everything
you ve ever wished for.
Your loving father,
Roy
Sucking in a shaky breath Sarah refolded the letter. Sobs, burning
and overpowering, shook her chest. She reached out and touched his
" 205 "
RONICA BLACK
hand once again. Swallowing, she said, I love you too, Dad.
She barely got the words out before the sobbing tore through her.
She lowered her head, the sorrow shaking her from head to toe.
Roy lay still, apparently unable to say anything more. His
breathing continued on, irregular with lengthy pauses in between.
He held her hand, though, and her mother came to stand by her side,
resting a hand on her shoulder. They watched him together, and Sarah
tried to remember him, the way he d once looked. She remembered
him smiling, tall and handsome, laughing as he chased her around the
yard. She remembered the way he danced with her mother, swinging
her around the kitchen to one of his favorite songs. Tears welled and
fell from her eyes, releasing the terrible pain, one tiny drop at a time.
His breathing slowed, the shallow gasps coming further apart. Her
mother reached down and cupped her hand over Sarah s, who held her
father s. They remained that way for what felt like an eternity, Sarah
quietly battling her tears while her mother did her best to comfort her.
Eventually Roy took in a breath and fell silent for a longer period
of time, causing Sarah to look up, waiting for the next breath to come.
But it never did.
She lowered her head and cried as quietly as she could. Her father
loved her, he truly did. And she loved him. His life, the choices he
made he didn t make them out of malice. He had made mistakes, but
so had she. She couldn t hate him for what he was. He was being who
he was meant to be. People weren t always who you wanted them to be.
She had to love him for who he was. She could see all of that now. But
it took him dying to get her to let go of the pain, of the past.
Rising up, she turned and let her mother embrace her. More sobs
came as she felt just how thin her mother was. Her parents were no
longer the ones ruining her life, neglecting her for their own fun. They
had grown older and weaker and regretful. As she cried into her mother s [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]