[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
But sometimes I hurt other people, too. And sometimes I do terrible things
because I'm so sure that I'm right. We're all like that. We all have a little
bit of varelse in us. And a little bit of raman."
"Isn't that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of
life," said Quara.
"It's the best I could come up with," said Wang-mu. "I'm not educated like you."
"And is that the make-her-feel-guilty technique?"
"Tell me, Quara, if you're not really acting out your father's role or trying to
call him back or whatever the analysis was, why are you so angry at everybody
all the time?"
Quara finally swiveled in her chair and looked Wang-mu in the face. Yes, she had
been crying. "You really want to know why I'm so filled with irrational fury all
the time?" The taunting hadn't left her voice. "You really want to play shrink
with me? Well try this one. What has me so completely pissed off is that all
through my childhood, my older brother Quim was secretly molesting me, and now
he's a martyr and they're going to make him a saint and nobody will ever know
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how evil he was and the terrible, terrible things he did to me."
Wang-mu stood there horrified. Peter had told her about Quim. How he died. The
kind of man he was. "Oh, Quara," she said. "I'm so sorry."
A look of complete disgust passed across Quara's face. "You are so stupid. Quim
never touched me, you stupid meddlesome little do-gooder. But you're so eager to
get some cheap explanation about why I'm such a bitch that you'll believe any
story that sounds halfway plausible. And right now you're probably still
wondering whether maybe my confession was true and I'm only denying it because
I'm afraid of the repercussions or some dumb merda like that. Get this straight,
girl. You do not know me. You will never know me. I don't want you to know me. I
don't want any friends, and if I did want friends, I would not want Peter's pet
bimbo to do the honors. Can I possibly make myself clearer?"
In her life Wang-mu had been beaten by experts and vilified by champions. Quara
was damn good at it by any standards, but not so good that Wang-mu couldn't bear
it without flinching. "I notice, though," said Wang-mu, "that after your vile
slander against the noblest member of your family, you couldn't stand to leave
me believing that it was true. So you do have loyalty to someone, even if he's
dead."
"You just don't take a hint, do you?" said Quara.
"And I notice that you still keep talking to me, even though you despise me and
try to offend me."
"If you were a fish, you'd be a remora, you just clamp on and suck for dear
life, don't you!"
"Because at any point you could just walk out of here and you wouldn't have to
hear my pathetic attempts at making friends with you," said Wang-mu. "But you
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
don't go."
"You are unbelievable," said Quara. She unstrapped herself from her chair, got
up, and went out the open door.
Wang-mu watched her go. Peter was right. Humans were still the most alien of
alien species. Still the most dangerous, the most unreasonable, the least
predictable.
Even so, Wang-mu dared to make a couple of predictions to herself.
First, she was confident that the research team would someday establish
communications with the descoladores.
The second prediction was much more iffy. More like a hope. Maybe even just a
wish. That someday Quara would tell Wang-mu the truth. That someday the hidden
wound that Quara bore would be healed. That someday they might be friends.
But not today. There was no hurry. Wang-mu would try to help Quara because she
was so obviously in need, and because the people who had been around her the
longest were clearly too sick of her to help. But helping Quara was not the only
thing or even the most important thing she had to accomplish. Marrying Peter and
starting a life with him -- that was a much higher priority. And getting
something to eat, a drink of water, and a place to pee -- those were the highest
priorities of all at this precise moment in her life.
I guess that means I'm human, thought Wang-mu. Not a god. Maybe just a beast
after all. Part raman. Part varelse. But more raman than varelse, at least on
her good days. Peter, too, just like her. Both of them part of the same flawed [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl exclamation.htw.pl
But sometimes I hurt other people, too. And sometimes I do terrible things
because I'm so sure that I'm right. We're all like that. We all have a little
bit of varelse in us. And a little bit of raman."
"Isn't that the sweetest little well-balanced undergraduate-level philosophy of
life," said Quara.
"It's the best I could come up with," said Wang-mu. "I'm not educated like you."
"And is that the make-her-feel-guilty technique?"
"Tell me, Quara, if you're not really acting out your father's role or trying to
call him back or whatever the analysis was, why are you so angry at everybody
all the time?"
Quara finally swiveled in her chair and looked Wang-mu in the face. Yes, she had
been crying. "You really want to know why I'm so filled with irrational fury all
the time?" The taunting hadn't left her voice. "You really want to play shrink
with me? Well try this one. What has me so completely pissed off is that all
through my childhood, my older brother Quim was secretly molesting me, and now
he's a martyr and they're going to make him a saint and nobody will ever know
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
how evil he was and the terrible, terrible things he did to me."
Wang-mu stood there horrified. Peter had told her about Quim. How he died. The
kind of man he was. "Oh, Quara," she said. "I'm so sorry."
A look of complete disgust passed across Quara's face. "You are so stupid. Quim
never touched me, you stupid meddlesome little do-gooder. But you're so eager to
get some cheap explanation about why I'm such a bitch that you'll believe any
story that sounds halfway plausible. And right now you're probably still
wondering whether maybe my confession was true and I'm only denying it because
I'm afraid of the repercussions or some dumb merda like that. Get this straight,
girl. You do not know me. You will never know me. I don't want you to know me. I
don't want any friends, and if I did want friends, I would not want Peter's pet
bimbo to do the honors. Can I possibly make myself clearer?"
In her life Wang-mu had been beaten by experts and vilified by champions. Quara
was damn good at it by any standards, but not so good that Wang-mu couldn't bear
it without flinching. "I notice, though," said Wang-mu, "that after your vile
slander against the noblest member of your family, you couldn't stand to leave
me believing that it was true. So you do have loyalty to someone, even if he's
dead."
"You just don't take a hint, do you?" said Quara.
"And I notice that you still keep talking to me, even though you despise me and
try to offend me."
"If you were a fish, you'd be a remora, you just clamp on and suck for dear
life, don't you!"
"Because at any point you could just walk out of here and you wouldn't have to
hear my pathetic attempts at making friends with you," said Wang-mu. "But you
Generated by ABC Amber LIT Converter, http://www.processtext.com/abclit.html
don't go."
"You are unbelievable," said Quara. She unstrapped herself from her chair, got
up, and went out the open door.
Wang-mu watched her go. Peter was right. Humans were still the most alien of
alien species. Still the most dangerous, the most unreasonable, the least
predictable.
Even so, Wang-mu dared to make a couple of predictions to herself.
First, she was confident that the research team would someday establish
communications with the descoladores.
The second prediction was much more iffy. More like a hope. Maybe even just a
wish. That someday Quara would tell Wang-mu the truth. That someday the hidden
wound that Quara bore would be healed. That someday they might be friends.
But not today. There was no hurry. Wang-mu would try to help Quara because she
was so obviously in need, and because the people who had been around her the
longest were clearly too sick of her to help. But helping Quara was not the only
thing or even the most important thing she had to accomplish. Marrying Peter and
starting a life with him -- that was a much higher priority. And getting
something to eat, a drink of water, and a place to pee -- those were the highest
priorities of all at this precise moment in her life.
I guess that means I'm human, thought Wang-mu. Not a god. Maybe just a beast
after all. Part raman. Part varelse. But more raman than varelse, at least on
her good days. Peter, too, just like her. Both of them part of the same flawed [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]